Last weekend, unsure of what to expect, I walked into the house of a person I'd only met once previously. She, my sister, and seven other women sat around the living room. In the middle was a man who was going to give each of us a tarot card reading.
On the table sat fifteen to twenty boxes full of cards. Each set had its own purpose. The tarot reader described what each box contained and said we could choose any one we wanted. Some were blunt in their delivery of the messages while others were a little softer. A couple boxes were filled with affirmations and others had a specific focus, such as relationships. He also explained that sometimes a reading would pivot because he would receive energy from a spirit that wanted to talk to us.
As soon as I sat down, I noticed a box called Postcards of Love and couldn't take my eyes off of it. I knew when my turn came I was going to choose that box. It contained postcards, just as indicated, that had short notes full of affirmations. I'd watched him pull out card after card after card during each of the readings before and didn't expect mine to go any differently.
When I sat across from him, I told him which box I wanted and he opened it. After giving my full name and date of birth, he shuffled the deck and began pulling out cards. He pulled out two and as he got ready to lay down the third, he stopped. He said someone else wanted to talk to me. He told us when this happens to be ready to engage in a conversation, asking questions or sharing something we needed advice on.
He started speaking loudly, letting the spirit guide him, and then his tone went soft. He asked if I would join hands with him, which I thought would feel awkward. Instead, somehow it felt comforting. With his eyes closed, he asked me what I wanted help with. I said my biggest struggle was self-confidence and battling with the voice inside my head. I said I wanted to share my story and give hope to just one person, that I wasn't anything special and hadn't achieved anything great, wonderful or fantastic, and therefore felt as though I was unworthy and didn't deserve love. At this point I was in tears.
He asked me if I remembered the small act of kindness I did for someone three months ago. I, of course, thought back to three months ago. Before I could respond, he said I didn't because it was small and insignificant to me, but the person it was done for remembered.
He told me I didn't need to do anything more than just be me and that was enough to be loved and valued. He said there wasn't a list of things I needed to do to earn love. He said while things such as founding Amazon or being the CEO of Tesla were great feats, I didn't need to do something of that magnitude for it to be considered great. If it wasn't to that scale it didn't mean it wouldn't have an impact.
And then words I'd heard many times before from each of my therapists and a handful of good friends began to pour out of his mouth. He said things like being me was enough and that was all I needed to be loved, that there was no amount of things I needed to do to gain love and feel worthy. He said being kind is enough, being generous is enough, being funny is enough. He said if you were to see a stranger who needed a shirt, you'd gladly and without hesitation give him yours. He said sharing my story was important and would reach someone who needed to hear what I had to say.
The tears continued to fall from my eyes and everyone was silent. In a room full mostly of strangers, a man who I'd never met spoke words I've heard dozens of times, if not more, and they were almost verbatim. The difference in hearing them this time was that I listened. I got vulnerable. I didn't resist. I just let the message come to me.
Call the spirit whatever you want. Call these instances a coincidence, a message from a guardian angel, anything. I think we are being given messages on a daily basis that we need to hear and lessons we need to learn are showing up all around us, and I don't think they're accidents. The phrase I've heard a number of times is you won't really receive a message until you're ready to hear it, and whether I knew it or not in that moment, it was time for me to receive it.
What I've learned from this experience is that no amount of resistance or fighting is going to keep away what the universe wants you to know. And the more you fight it, the more often it will appear. When it's repeated over and over and over again by the people who love you and care about you, and then it's echoed by someone who's just met you and you only spend a short time together, it's really hard to ignore. The message will keep coming until you finally get it, and it might be brought to you by someone close to you who you love, or it might be a complete stranger. The message may come through a song or a billboard. It's okay to not be ready to receive and accept it. Just know it will be there waiting for you when you are ready to listen to what's being said.
Photo credit Austin Chan, Unsplash
