The Little Yellow Basket

I wanted to sew a basket liner for my little yellow basket. I was going to share before and after pics. The picture of the basket was taken on Saturday at 2:19pm. The after? Taken Sunday at 11:10pm.

Was I distracted? A little. Did I have other things to do? Yes.

BUT... the main reason it took 21 hours to make was because of my depression and how much I beat myself up when I can't do something. I spent the better part of yesterday trying to figure out why my sewing machine wasn't working. I read the manual over and over and over again. I threaded and rethreaded the top. I set and reset the bobbin. It would not work, no matter what I tried.

I called myself stupid. I told myself I couldn't do anything. I told myself it wasn't worth doing anyway. I told myself I wasn't sure why I tried anything at all since I fail at everything. I cried hard and for a long time. So hard and so long that when I woke up today, I noticed a dark area above my left eye. I have a black eye from causing so much trauma to my eyes from crying. I cried that much. I literally beat myself up. No physical punches were thrown. They all came from within. They all came from decades of depression. Mental blow after mental blow that I couldn't stop. That I couldn't control.

I do this frequently, but this is the first time it's been so intense that it actually left a physical mark. The first time I've been able to see what I'm doing to myself. The bruise is evidence of how powerful words can be, inside and out. Evidence of how much I've lost myself to depression.

I solved the problem with the sewing machine. I made the liner for my little yellow basket.

Now I need to solve the problem with myself.