Capable

Something I have struggled with for most of my life is believing in myself. I don't take advantage of opportunities offered to me or step outside of my comfort zone unless it's necessary because I am constantly convinced I'm going to fail. 

 

The first time I wrote a book review, I spent the better part of a day worrying about it. When I sent what I'd written to the author, her response was "you should do this for a living." I was blown away by the compliment, and maybe one day I'll do just that. But even with such high praise, I wasn't confident I could do it. The five or six subsequent reviews I wrote I asked her to read before I published them. It took this many times of being told I could do it before I believed I could do it. I've made it to a place where I don't ask her to review them anymore.

 

The last couple of years I've been trying to put more focus on being kinder to myself because I am surrounded by people who DO believe in me. They would never say the things to me that I say to myself. And I'd never say those things to them. I've been trying to do things for myself that inspire me and simply bring me joy, such as writing. When I find myself in situations that are new, whether personal or professional, I seek the same kind of reassurance that I did when I started writing book reviews. 

 

I have found that if I give myself a little bit of grace and kindness, I am very capable of doing things. It often just takes a moment to pause, breathe and quiet the noise. The noise that I've created. The noise that is just that - noise. If I can get through that, I can hear the words others say to me, and listening to those words instead of the ones I tell myself gives me the kick in the ass to go try something. I love words and think they hold a great power, whether said internally, read or heard from someone else.

My phone background is a screenshot of kind words from a friend that I can read anytime. Maybe that sounds ridiculous but it's one small thing I can turn to - and see many times daily - when I need a little reassurance. To complement my background, I recently purchased a bracelet from MyIntent.org. These are not mass produced and you can get any word - YES ANY WORD - you choose pounded into the charm. I learned about this company months ago from a life coach and wanted one immediately, but I didn't want to choose just ANY word. I wanted a word that was meaningful to me but not one that was too easy. I was looking for a word that would be challenging but not intimidating. And with the bazillions of words there are, it seemed daunting to find ONE. 

 

After some contemplation, I chose the word CAPABLE. This is a word that is a reminder of a lot of things - that I can succeed, that I need to be kind to myself and try, that I am surrounded by other people who believe in me. But most of all, it reminds me that I AM CAPABLE. And so are you!!