I don't know a lot about boats but one thing I know is, big or small, everyone aboard must have a life jacket available. Why? So you don't drown. Of course, it only works if you're wearing it but it's always available.
A couple weeks ago during a conversation with a friend, he asked me who I trusted and my answer was "no one." While that's not entirely true, it's also not completely false. I then paralleled my approach to trust in relationships to being on a boat. There's always the possibility of being pulled under. But if you've got a life jacket, you're able to give yourself some security.
I've been let down, abandoned and betrayed too many times and I don't fully trust anyone. That's probably unfair to the handful who've never given me a reason to not trust them, but the truth is I'm always waiting to be let down. I go as far as tell some people they can remove themselves from my life at any time and I'll understand. A professional might say this isn't a healthy approach to relationships, but it's the truth.
I know I've let down my share of people as well, and maybe that's why I'm always waiting for it to happen to me again. I can't fully trust myself to not do the one thing I'm asking everyone else to not do. I have done a lot of work to mend those broken relationships but even with the best of efforts, they're not what they once were. I have looked back at the mistakes I made in those situations and have done my best going forward to avoid making them again. Obviously that doesn't undo the damage I caused, but we can't go back and change the times we've hurt or been hurt. What we can do is learn from them, no matter which side of the equation we're on, and continuously strive to do better.
There are a lot of people in my life who know some things about me and
some who know a lot. Then there's a third group, the ones I trust and
they know the most. But even these few people don't know everything. I
don't let anyone know me completely. I'm always wearing a life jacket.
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Monday, April 6, 2020
No*
Nearly two years ago, I wrote my very first book review for a thriller novel called Triple Cross Killer by Rosemarie Aquilina. Since then I've done 19 others. A question I am frequently asked is if I'm being paid to do them. The response I want to give is "does it matter" or "it's none of your business." Instead I respond with a smile and say no because I'm really being asked if I'm being given money. A more honest answer is no* but I'm not aware of a speaking equivalent of an asterisk. If you know what it is, tell me!
I would add the asterisk because if you dive further into the meaning of payment, you'll see it encompasses more than just cash. You already know this. Think of how many times you've said or heard "it's the thought that counts" when you can't purchase a tangible gift for someone and instead make a phone call or send a note. The top three meanings of payment, according to dictionary.com, are (1) something that is paid; an amount paid; compensation; recompense; (2) the act of paying; (3) reward or punishment; requital. The payment I'm being asked about is a 1 or 2 - and the answer is no. The payment I'm actually getting, the asterisk, is a 3 (minus the punishment part). The payment I'm given is invaluable and no amount of money in the world could replace it.
SIDEBAR- look up the word 'fly' - it has over 30 meanings!!
I've been introduced to dozens of fantastic books, genres ranging from romance and poetry to thriller, suspense and fantasy. Some of these are books I may have never picked up because they aren't something that would normally interest me. For some, I'm given a link to download the book at no monetary cost in exchange for my HONEST opinion about it - the review. Releasing your book, or any piece of art, is an incredibly vulnerable thing to do as it offers up a piece of yourself to the consumer. Giving it away AND asking for someone's opinion about it - that's next level!
What does this exchange do? It helps authors who often do their own marketing get greater exposure for their product and it gives me the opportunity to read and write, both of which I love to do. The review, whether mine or someone else's, also gives other readers a peek into the book beyond the author's synopsis. Anyone can read the summary to learn what a book is about, but knowing how someone responded to it can be the difference between someone choosing to purchase it or not.
Reading and reviewing also helps me with my own writing journey. I learn as much, or more, by reading than by writing. While there aren't laws or rules that dictate how to write a book, there are things that work and things that don't. Reading books, especially those that align with the kind of books I'd like to write, gives me a greater understanding of this. Writing courses and workshops are important and helpful but don't teach everything.
Beyond entertainment or writing tips, I've found inspiration in places I didn't expect to. Inspiration for both creative and personal development. Katherine Hastings is a romance author whose books I've come to love - I also adore her! After releasing The Big One in 2019, she released two novels in her Door Peninsula Passions series. In the first one, The Other Half, the main character Cassandra is in tears and thinks back to what her father used to tell her - "Cry your tears, but then remember, tears solve nothing. Instead of crying over your situation, give me three ways you can fix it."
As a person who cries a lot, this really resonated with me. It is okay to cry!! It is therapeutic to cry!! But what does it solve? NOTHING. If all you're doing is crying, nothing is changing, which means nothing is getting better. I've probably been told this or something similar before reading it in a romance novel but this was the first time it stuck with me. Do I sit down after every good cry and make a physical list of things I can do to change the situation? No. But I do spend time meditating over the situation and evaluating my options.
Yes, it takes time to read a book and write a review. And the reviews aren't always easy to write. Sharing your opinion should be easy - write what you think. I could simply write "I like or dislike this book because..." and then give a list of reasons. I don't do this though. I take a more journalistic approach and try to give it a personal angle. I want authors to know what the book means to me, not just why I like or dislike it. The amount of time I spend reading and writing a review pales in comparison to the amount of time it takes to write a book. I had no idea! And if an author is willing to share their book with me, it deserves time and attention. THEY deserve for it to be handled with care.
The circle of people that's developed around me is the greatest reward of all. I've learned no one writes alone and I've gained a network of fabulous people who welcome any question anytime, no matter how silly it may seem. Sometimes they even ask me for help, which is even more surprising. The only reason I ever wrote the first review is because I was asked to. I wasn't expecting anything in return, least of all money. I had no idea I would make any friends.
So if you're wondering if I get paid for doing reviews, the answer is no*.
The quote from The Other Half is being used with the author's permission.
I would add the asterisk because if you dive further into the meaning of payment, you'll see it encompasses more than just cash. You already know this. Think of how many times you've said or heard "it's the thought that counts" when you can't purchase a tangible gift for someone and instead make a phone call or send a note. The top three meanings of payment, according to dictionary.com, are (1) something that is paid; an amount paid; compensation; recompense; (2) the act of paying; (3) reward or punishment; requital. The payment I'm being asked about is a 1 or 2 - and the answer is no. The payment I'm actually getting, the asterisk, is a 3 (minus the punishment part). The payment I'm given is invaluable and no amount of money in the world could replace it.
SIDEBAR- look up the word 'fly' - it has over 30 meanings!!
I've been introduced to dozens of fantastic books, genres ranging from romance and poetry to thriller, suspense and fantasy. Some of these are books I may have never picked up because they aren't something that would normally interest me. For some, I'm given a link to download the book at no monetary cost in exchange for my HONEST opinion about it - the review. Releasing your book, or any piece of art, is an incredibly vulnerable thing to do as it offers up a piece of yourself to the consumer. Giving it away AND asking for someone's opinion about it - that's next level!
What does this exchange do? It helps authors who often do their own marketing get greater exposure for their product and it gives me the opportunity to read and write, both of which I love to do. The review, whether mine or someone else's, also gives other readers a peek into the book beyond the author's synopsis. Anyone can read the summary to learn what a book is about, but knowing how someone responded to it can be the difference between someone choosing to purchase it or not.
Reading and reviewing also helps me with my own writing journey. I learn as much, or more, by reading than by writing. While there aren't laws or rules that dictate how to write a book, there are things that work and things that don't. Reading books, especially those that align with the kind of books I'd like to write, gives me a greater understanding of this. Writing courses and workshops are important and helpful but don't teach everything.
Beyond entertainment or writing tips, I've found inspiration in places I didn't expect to. Inspiration for both creative and personal development. Katherine Hastings is a romance author whose books I've come to love - I also adore her! After releasing The Big One in 2019, she released two novels in her Door Peninsula Passions series. In the first one, The Other Half, the main character Cassandra is in tears and thinks back to what her father used to tell her - "Cry your tears, but then remember, tears solve nothing. Instead of crying over your situation, give me three ways you can fix it."
As a person who cries a lot, this really resonated with me. It is okay to cry!! It is therapeutic to cry!! But what does it solve? NOTHING. If all you're doing is crying, nothing is changing, which means nothing is getting better. I've probably been told this or something similar before reading it in a romance novel but this was the first time it stuck with me. Do I sit down after every good cry and make a physical list of things I can do to change the situation? No. But I do spend time meditating over the situation and evaluating my options.
Yes, it takes time to read a book and write a review. And the reviews aren't always easy to write. Sharing your opinion should be easy - write what you think. I could simply write "I like or dislike this book because..." and then give a list of reasons. I don't do this though. I take a more journalistic approach and try to give it a personal angle. I want authors to know what the book means to me, not just why I like or dislike it. The amount of time I spend reading and writing a review pales in comparison to the amount of time it takes to write a book. I had no idea! And if an author is willing to share their book with me, it deserves time and attention. THEY deserve for it to be handled with care.
The circle of people that's developed around me is the greatest reward of all. I've learned no one writes alone and I've gained a network of fabulous people who welcome any question anytime, no matter how silly it may seem. Sometimes they even ask me for help, which is even more surprising. The only reason I ever wrote the first review is because I was asked to. I wasn't expecting anything in return, least of all money. I had no idea I would make any friends.
So if you're wondering if I get paid for doing reviews, the answer is no*.
The quote from The Other Half is being used with the author's permission.
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