I don't know a lot about boats but one thing I know is, big or small, everyone aboard must have a life jacket available. Why? So you don't drown. Of course, it only works if you're wearing it but it's always available.
A couple weeks ago during a conversation with a friend, he asked me who I trusted and my answer was "no one." While that's not entirely true, it's also not completely false. I then paralleled my approach to trust in relationships to being on a boat. There's always the possibility of being pulled under. But if you've got a life jacket, you're able to give yourself some security.
I've been let down, abandoned and betrayed too many times and I don't fully trust anyone. That's probably unfair to the handful who've never given me a reason to not trust them, but the truth is I'm always waiting to be let down. I go as far as tell some people they can remove themselves from my life at any time and I'll understand. A professional might say this isn't a healthy approach to relationships, but it's the truth.
I know I've let down my share of people as well, and maybe that's why I'm always waiting for it to happen to me again. I can't fully trust myself to not do the one thing I'm asking everyone else to not do. I have done a lot of work to mend those broken relationships but even with the best of efforts, they're not what they once were. I have looked back at the mistakes I made in those situations and have done my best going forward to avoid making them again. Obviously that doesn't undo the damage I caused, but we can't go back and change the times we've hurt or been hurt. What we can do is learn from them, no matter which side of the equation we're on, and continuously strive to do better.
There are a lot of people in my life who know some things about me and
some who know a lot. Then there's a third group, the ones I trust and
they know the most. But even these few people don't know everything. I
don't let anyone know me completely. I'm always wearing a life jacket.
<3
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