Squeezing the Snake

They All Saw a Cat by Brendan Wenzel is a children's book that provides a lesson in perspective. The story follows a cat as he walks around and meets different animals. In every encounter, the cat remains a cat, but he is seen in a unique way by everyone else. To some, he's soft and beautiful. To others, he's a blur or spotted or broken. He appears large and scary to one, and to another, he's skinny and weak. When he finally makes it to the water, he gets to see his own reflection and sees himself in a different way than anyone else. 

A couple weeks ago, after wanting to give up AGAIN on my goal of publishing a book, a mentor made the suggestion that I write about motivation. It appears that any time I get discouraged, I just want to quit. Knowing this is my default response to becoming discouraged, my perspective is that I have no motivation, or that my motivation for writing a book is unclear to me. I can't identify it. That's what I wrote about.

I discussed this with my therapist and she said "I don't think that's true at all. I think you have too much motivation." I waited for an explanation. She said I told her in previous sessions that I wanted to write because I want to share my story - my struggle with depression and suicidal ideation - in hopes that it'll help someone else. I nodded in agreement and then she presented me with an analogy. 

She said to think back to those water snake toys - did you think I was writing about a real snake? If you don't know what a water snake is, imagine a soft flexible tube about five inches long full of what looks like water with glitter or other toys in it, or plain and with nothing but liquid inside. You can squeeze them and they're a great stress reliever. If you squeeze it, the end bulges out into a large bubble. And if you squeeze too hard, it might shoot out of your hand uncontrollably. On the flip side, if you don't hold on well enough and your grip is too loose, it's going to slip right through your hands.

She said think of my motivation as the water snake, and use the Goldilocks method - find the grip that is just right. 

I thought my own grip was loose because every time I get discouraged, I give up and watch my goal slip away. She saw the opposite because when someone gives me words of encouragement, she said I interpret it to mean I have to get it done right now. It has to be fast and perfect or it's not worth doing. She sees the driving force in me and the determination, but it's too fast and too hard. With a little more work - mental work as well as more writing - I might be able to find the sweet spot, the Goldilocks grip on my motivation.

I love analogies and this one was the perfect one to give me a new perspective. My mentor said write about "motivation," and I wrote about how I see my motivation. I didn't ask why she gave me the topic or for clarity as to what aspect of motivation to focus on. I don't know her view of my motivation. But just as every animal saw the cat in their own way, even different from how he saw himself, it's possible there is yet another perspective to consider.