Who Am I?

One of my favorite parts of writing book reviews is the many books I’m introduced to along the way. While my favorite genre is thriller, I have had the opportunity to explore other categories and have read several books that I may never picked up. Some of the earliest books I reviewed were romance, both contemporary and historical, and I quickly fell in love with that genre. I even found a series about vampires that I enjoyed, and I now have other fantasy books on my to-be-read list.

For me, while the plot of each story determines if I pick up or skip over a book, I find as I read that the characters really make the story. The lead is usually someone relatable to the reader in some way. Being drawn to the protagonist, or hero of the story, is desirable because he or she is usually a person who is good yet flawed. We all want to be good and all of us are flawed. Their story is usually one that brings us a variety of feelings – happiness, love, compassion, whatever. We root for them and want them to succeed, and when they do, we celebrate as we would alongside a friend. We’ve spent hours with this person and have gotten to know intimate details of their life. Reading their story also often means we see them through a significant event or time and creates a strong connection to them.

I don’t like to admit it but in many cases, I find myself liking the antagonist, or the villain, as much as or more than the protagonist. They aren’t meant to be likeable but I think if we examine them closely, we might find a bit of ourselves in them, just as we do with the good guy, and maybe our opinion of them softens. One of my favorite antagonists, who I’ve come to describe as “fantastically disgusting,” is Skyler Marks from Rosemarie Aquilina’s novel Feel No Evil. NO ONE SHOULD LIKE THIS GUY!!! He does despicable things, he is manipulative as hell and he truly is evil. But there is some piece of him that I just cannot help but love.

As a writer, I’ve learned through reading that a unique story is not enough to make a good book. You need good characters. Creating a character similar to ourselves or someone we know or once knew might seem like an easy task, but it isn’t. The surface layer might be easy but peeling back that top layer and seeing what lies beneath has to be just as intriguing, if not more so. I guess you could say it’s similar to the phrase “it is what’s on the inside that counts.”

While characters are subjective, and each reader is going to like one type more than another, if the lead isn’t likeable by a wide audience, the book won’t work. I’ve worked hard on my first novel to make sure my lead is relatable and believable. No one is ALL good and no one is ALL bad. Finding that balance, as well as which piece of them will do best to drive the story forward, is a skill that doesn’t become perfected in one draft; it takes many.

My lead character is Dana, a woman in her mid-20s who leaves a long-term, abusive relationship without a word to anyone. After feeling stuck for years, she finally builds up enough strength to go. She has no real direction or destination; she’ll be there when she gets there and begin a new life. I know a lot of women, and some men, who can relate to her situation. The story is not uncommon, and unfortunately, it seems like getting out of these situations is uncommon. Is there anything particularly unique about Dana? Nope. But that is exactly what makes her relatable – her story is sad and, to some, it’s real. Even if it isn’t our story, it’s that of someone we know or love. It’s that of a friend or a relative or a co-worker. As Dana’s creator, I hope that her story inspires hope and provides strength. It was hard to write some parts of her story and I hope it’s hard to read. Not because I want people to feel pain, but because I want people to care for her. Her story is one that needs to be shared without shame because it is not her fault.

Her abuser, Kevin, is also not a one-of-a-kind. He’s a man with an ego and biceps who wants to be in control. He knows a better man is somewhere deep inside of him, and it’s evident when he and Dana are not alone and he’s a prince. Her family and friends love him. But behind closed doors, the hurt from his past takes over and he’s a monster. His story also needs to be shared because if we aren’t Kevin, we know someone who is. And often times, the abuser is quick and easy to blame. But the truth is, someone hurt them. Their behavior, while in their control, may not always be easy to tame. Their temper may flare and it’s the result of trauma. Does anyone REALLY want to be this way? Let’s hope not! And my hope for readers is they’ll learn something from Kevin, to either help themselves or others.

As I’ve gotten to know these characters, I’ve realized I have a bit of both of them in myself. Like Dana, I’m sure I’ve got a reserve of strength inside me that is waiting to be let loose. Like Kevin, though, I often have a hard time controlling my temper and managing it appropriately.

* * *

What I’ve also learned is important, and maybe even more challenging, is crafting a good cast of secondary characters. While they may not get as much page time as the lead character, we need them there for support. Some of my favorite characters among all the books I’ve read are in this group. They aren’t the feature or the front man, but their presence is critical. Characters are no different than us – we need a core group of people who help pick us up when we fall, call us out on our bullshit and are there for the triumphs and victories too.

How boring would a book be if we had only one character, or only two, or maybe just three? It might be more like reading a text exchange or eavesdropping on a phone conversation rather than watching a chapter of their lives unfold. It would change the experience entirely. Not to say if a book was done this way it couldn’t be or wouldn’t be any good. But none of us do life alone, and characters don’t either.

Rachel Dacus’s The Renaissance Club and Katherine Hastings’s Immortal Hearts series have phenomenal secondary characters! George from The Renaissance Club is likeable because he’s kind, intelligent and distinguished but he’s also a bit of a mystery to readers, which leaves us wanting more of him. And then there is Matt from the Immortal Hearts series who is beyond loveable. He’s funny, loves to have a good time and his fashion is always on point. While neither is the main character, the roles they play add an unforgettable dynamic to their respective stories.

As I move forward with my book, I find I like each of my characters for different reasons, but my favorite is Ross Drake. He and his brother Arthur meet Dana shortly after she moves and settles in a new town. Ross is 6 years older than Arthur, and though they are best friends as adults, their relationship wasn’t always amiable. Their father left when they were 14 and 8 years old, and because Ross was the oldest, he became the man of the house. He continued going to school during the day and worked evening and weekends to be sure Arthur and their mom had everything they needed.

Stepping into this role meant missing out on the later part of his childhood but the early lessons in responsibility and sacrifice greatly shaped the man he became. A man who is honest, dependable, and loyal.

Ross is my favorite for many reasons and, yes, I chose the name Ross because I love Friends. But that isn’t why he’s my favorite. I wrote him to be a good guy. One who loves hard, fully and without condition. He’s loyal, he’s hardworking and he’s kind. In many ways, I might be more like him than any other character in my book. I love hard in relationships. I want to help and be of service any time I can. I like to think that I am kind and loyal, and I’ve always been a hard worker.

These sound like fantastic traits but, for me, it also means I’m not good at setting boundaries. I trust until I’m given a reason not to and even then I have a tough time letting go and accepting that a relationship might be over. I focus so much on trying to please everyone else and make sure the people around me are happy and have everything they need. I don’t feel like I’m making a sacrifice but I leave myself behind and tell myself if someone has to do without or be unhappy, it should be me. I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy.

Ross has the qualities and skills of any good leader – he’s educated, doesn’t act impulsively and he follows through. But he’s okay not being the center of attention, much like myself. I’m a person who likes to be at the party but I’d rather not be the guest of honor. I want to socialize a little and have fun and then go home. I don’t need to be the first to arrive or the last to leave. Being content is enough for Ross, and it’s enough for me.

Part of why I feel this way about myself is that I don’t believe I deserve any extra attention. I’m not that special or unique. I’m not “extra” in any way. I’m just a simple person. Unlike Ross, I tend to act impulsively sometimes, especially if I’m upset. I react instead of take time to think and often end up regretting and becoming apologetic for how I responded.

I also have a habit of overthinking which usually means I take myself on a long, self-destructive mental journey that ends up in a place I don’t like or want to be in. Ross’s patience and acceptance of any and everything that comes his way is a part of him that I envy. I’d love to take more time to relax, enjoy the moment I’m in, and carry around less worry.

* * *

I have finished one draft of this book, currently titled Fighting for Dana, and have edited almost the first dozen chapters, which is about a third of the entire manuscript. I want Dana to find happiness again because she deserves it. I want Kevin to find happiness and peace too. I think with a little tenderness and compassion he can be really loveable. And finally, I want for Ross to be able to find his place among readers without losing himself in the process. If I have the tools, as a creator, to help him do that, maybe I can learn a little something that will help me to live every day being the best version of myself.